Thursday, September 15, 2011

I fucking hate lawnmowers

You know that sound. You're drifting on a boat made of a banana peels with Spongebob, when he turns around and yanks the ripcord, starting the loudest banana-peel-boat outboard you've ever seen. The boat gets going so fast that the waves start knocking banana peels off. You try to warn Spongebob, but he can't hear you over the motor, and laughs at your funny dance. As the peels disappear and the holes grow, the odd ship dips lower and lower until it, Spongebob and everything below your neck is submerged. Then, the ship disappears beneath the sheets, and you're left in a sea of blankets with the still-deafening sound of its motor.

Blankets?

And now you're awake, you realize, because your neighbor has decided that his quarter acre of over watered grass is worth 7AM on Sunday.

Seriously. American lawns are like American children.